Strength

I have two boys.  I find myself fighting alot of various forces that seem to NOT want me to raise them as men.  That's men as I understand them, as I was raised, as I thnk the world needs.

Men fight, because we are the protectors.  We have to learn to prevail in confrontations, because through that you learn that some confrontations can be avoided purely by showing strength.  That's not a false bravado, or picking fights, or enjoying fights.  It simply means the other guy understands that you are ready to deal with the situation, and it's going to cost him something to try and force his will upon you.  This applies to walking a dark street at night, or to entering a negotiation.  Weakness is to be exploited for gain, while strength is to be respected. 

My favorite example comes from when I was a sophmore in high school.  That was the first year I was on the high school campus, and I would have been 15 entering that year.  I was basically a shy kid, and you would call me on the thin or scrawny side (I played baseball and basketball, not football).  In gym class, there was a guy I would put in the 'druggie' crowd (pot smokers in that day).  This guy loved to shove me around in the locker room and call me names.  He was about my size, maybe a little more buff, but the 'druggie' label made me, irrationally, add some to his stature.  Well, finally, after a few months of this abuse, I had just had enough.  I resigned myself to probably getting my face punched in or something, but I had to do something about the situation.  The next time I came into the locker room, and he started his shoving and taunting, I snapped on him.  I grabbed him by his shirt and ran him into a locker, and screamed right in his face to 'Leave me the f*#! alone!' or I was going to kick his ass.  It was a bit of a surreal moment, but he was obviously shocked and caught completely by surprise that I would fight back.  I think he did a quick tactical analysis and quickly realized that it was pretty even, and decided he didn't want to fight to a draw and pay that price.  He backed down, gave it one of those 'I didn't mean nuthin by it man' and slinked off, never to bother me again.  Today I would have been told to 'talk with him, ask him nicely to stop' and other such BS.  A bad actor like this, because he is a bad actor, is most likely not going to respond to platitudes.  He only understands the currency of power, and so you have to deal with him in that currency.

This applies in today's world just as well.  When walking a dark street at night, I stride purposefully right down the middle of the sidewalk, constantly scanning my surroundings.  That tells anyone assessing the situation that I am aware, probably can't be taken by surprise, and am confident that I can handle any confrontation.  Compare that to someone who shuffles along the edge of the sidewalk with their head down, not looking at anyone.  That says 'weak' and 'easy target'.  By not making myself a target, I avoid the confrontations in the first place.

I hear folks sharing fears that promoting strength leads to bullying.  I disagree.  Part of promoting strength is to promote the idea of protecting the weak.  That marginalizes the true bullies (or criminals) even more, because now they have to factor in that someone of strength might step in to protect their weak target.  Bullying is a moral problem, not a physical one.