Fearlessness

Fearlessness: I was bluntly reminded today that fearlessness can be a rare instinct in children.

Coming home from swim lessons (day 10, he's just getting it figured out, and all he wants to do is be in a pool now) my son asked 'When can we go to the beach?  I want to swim in the ocean.'  I was proud to hear him ask that after so recently barely being able to swim.  That was fearlessness.

But then I opened my mouth.  As an adult, it is easy for us to see all the hazards, pitfalls, and potential speedbumps.  My nature is to gather as much info as I can, to try and be prepared for any eventuality, to know what I'm getting into.  I don't like to be surprised.  So the first thing I say is 'Swimming in the ocean is different than swimming in the pool because of the waves.'  His fearlessness went immediately to doubt. 'Umm, OK.  If we go to the beach I'll just play in the sand.'  Damn!  Here my son had, on his own, volunteered to take another leap into the unknown, and my simple statement, which to me only provided cautionary information, to prepare him for what lay ahead, instantly sowed the seeds of doubt and the fear of that unknown.  I knew right away that nothing I could say could re-instill in him the fearlessness of his original statement.

Not the best way to raise my son.  I know I can get him to the beach and get him in the water and eventually get him swimming in the ocean, but it will be quite the task.  This all reminded me, rather sharply, that we only get one chance to be a positive influence on our kids.  We need to recognize when they are taking that leap and fully encourage it.  They will have time later to learn the ups and downs, as that is what life is all about.  The best way for him to learn about the waves would have been in the waves, not by me telling him about them.

Encourage that fearlessness.  'The beach?  Yeah, that's a great idea!  Let's go this weekend and you can go swimming in the ocean!'

That's what I should have said.